not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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