Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize