A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
