Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
