Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
