Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
