i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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