we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
