Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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