The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
