My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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