He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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