I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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