its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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