No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
