I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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