I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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