i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
