I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
