five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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