Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
