I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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