he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize