if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
