Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
