Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
