never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
