i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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