i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
