I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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