I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
