Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
This is my life. Enjoy the view
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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