I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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