First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
