Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
