mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize