why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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