I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
