So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
