i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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