These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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