eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
