I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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