I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
