At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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