okay pat passed out under dana's car
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
