I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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