i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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