Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wish I only lived at night.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
