so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize