why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
