Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
