i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
