honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
