You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
