i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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