The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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