My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
