it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
