My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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