He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
