he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
