Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
