What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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