The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
