her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
