Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
