after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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