So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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