Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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