is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i believe in u and ur pee
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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