Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
