Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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