you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize