My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize
