I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
