i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
They took my balls.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
