He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
