1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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