i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you had me at cake vodka
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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