Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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