I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
