1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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