mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
