I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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