It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
