he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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