I heard we made out
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
