that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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