fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
