We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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