I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
