Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i think im in europe. pls send help
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