She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
