I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize