Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
