Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
